Today, has been a hard day. So emotional. All I want to do is cry. Ever have to say good-bye to someone and you don't want to? That is where I am today. I need to say good-bye to someone before I can continue on my journey. It's hard, even though I know I will be a stronger person for it. It has always been so hard for me to say good-bye.

I'm sure you have heard the saying that people come into your life for a reason or a season... My problem is, is that I want them in my life for the rest of my life no matter what. I don't want to give them up. Having to give someone up is hard. I don't like it. It makes you have to change and I have gone through so many changes in the past 2 years. Now I am finding that I have to do it again. This time though, the someone that I have to say good-bye to is the old me.

It's the part of me that has been holding on for dear life because it would mean I was moving on and that I don't need that part of me anymore. The part of me that I have always identified myself with. It's not that I don't like the new me, beacuse I do. I really do. It's that with the old me there was a kind of safety and security.

When you have been obese for as long as I have, it is hard to give up the old ways. During the first year after surgery all I did was concentrate on losing the weight. I was focused and I didn't let anything else in. Then comes the second year. Real life started to come back in and I found that I was having to deal with some issues that I thought I had already dealt with. I found that some of my old ways were easier than working on the new ways.

Now though, I know that the old ways are not where I want to be. I want the new ways and I want to embrace them again. Life really is so much better than it was. The surgery was so worth having so that I can have this new life. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. I know He has because God can do anythng you know. He is showing me that the new me really is the "REAL" me.